Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
