so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
