So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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