I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
