Whod you bang
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
