I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
