Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
