you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
