dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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