French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They have beer where we have blood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
