Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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