something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
