Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
