so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
