please come you make the beer taste better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
