I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize