the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
