You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
