Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
