Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
