i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
