Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
