Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
