Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
