you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
