Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
