I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
