I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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