bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
