I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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