Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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