My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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