I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
