physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
