i permit you to call me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize