What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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