her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
