she looked like the before picture.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
