the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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