White coat. Heels.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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