Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
