I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
they're like a gay fantastic four
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
