when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
