Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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