I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
