Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize