Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
