she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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