Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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