i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
