Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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