You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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