you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
