Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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