The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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