did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize