i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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