I'm going to jail i love you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
