Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
