fuck your aforementioned shoe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
