my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
