Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
