4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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