The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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