I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
