The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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